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Published On: Mon, Mar 3rd, 2008

Poeta Guerrera: Vonnegut’s Awakening

I’m knocking on heaven’s door
Will the Creator let me in?
Shelter me from the cruelties of my childhood
Forgive me for being unable to achieve Oneness with the universe
Slipping into the crevices of festering wounds
Unable to heal
Because I pick the scabs when I cannot find answers to the questions
that plague me
Bashing my head into memories where a noose hangs around a dangling neck
As an Angel whispers death into the wind

Numbers haunt me
2 lovers
Three years
One parent
Countless fears
It’s like finger tips against naked skin
Bones cracking under pressure
As moans escape from quivering lips
I am only guilty of human form
The cross is laid against the mantle of unbuilt churches
The masses scream, “burn her.”

Where is the essence of believing?
In the clothes I adorn against my skin to reflect my inner truth?
In parched lips where thirst only resonates in dry tears?
Where men run to deserts
And soldiers swim against the ocean of an endless sea?

Escape
Escape with me
This is obsession
Forget love
Forget what you imagined I would be like
My flesh is naked now
Wind blowing through the straightened hairs of my neck

Am I saved from my inclinations to posses it all?
Acquainted to the secret desire that allows us quiet freedom?
Imprisoned by the mundane chores of every day life?
Or enlightened by the realization that truth is not absolute?

Wrap me up in a scarf, long skirts, low shoes
And label it modest
When the sun sets each article falls against a bedside
So far away from my home

His kiss leaves me wanting
His touch is much too rough
My heart is beating because I thought it was forever
Does love not transcend the crashing of a broken heart
Does it not transcend the deceit of your lips
Your hands against another’s face
Your embrace in another state

The dominant theory outlines itself
The remote control was always in your hand
As I awaited the next command
Now, you’ve dropped the instruction manual in the trash
Explored greener pastures
While leaving me behind to figure this all out on my own

Prayer beckons me
My head falls to the ground
In shame
Sheltered by guilt
As the inner linings of my soul are painted by hypocrisy

Can I escape from you?
Panic ensues
Arms fading into darkness
Mirrors glare blurry images
WHERE AM I?
WHO AM I?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Pulse raises
Goose bumps
And chills
Room’s spinning
I’m dizzy

HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLP ME

Is this death?
Has my mind deserted me, too?

The Angels watch me
It is time to be judged

And this is when I realize,
We are not always who we pretend to be.

Melinda González 2//08//2008//2:33 p

Poeta Guerrera: Vonnegut’s Awakening